The Story

So I am heading to Florida this afternoon. All my professors have been emailed that I will be missing class tomorrow and two of the three have emailed me back so things are a-okay in that department. My mom and I were already going to be heading down to Florida because there's another game this weekend and we have season tickets but we are leaving early and going down to Titusville (here's it on mapquest since I know you have NEVER heard of it). I knew Laine and I would be making a trip there soon to meet my family, not including immediate- mom, dad, stepmom, and my brother. Well that trip is now going to be down the most important woman in my family. My grandmother. My nana. The nosey, loving, nagging ball that is my grandmother. She is 94 and I knew she wasn't going to be around forever. I was really hoping that she would be able to see me graduate from a university because nobody in her family has done that. I was also wanting her to meet Laine. She's never met any of my boys and I told her all about him the last few times I had talked to her on the phone. She seemed so excited to meet him even though she didn't know we were going to surprise her in December on our way to Tampa for our cruise. The point of all of this is that in the past 15-20 years she has had her fair share of heart attacks but everything was relatively okay. As good as having a heart attack could be. Well this one was massive. I was sitting in marine ecology trying not to fall asleep when I got the text message from my dad saying "Guys I just wanted to let you know Nan had a heart attack and the heart was damaged and they don't know if she make it through the week." How do you keep yourself composed through the last 45 minutes of a class when all you can picture if your grandmother in pain, lying in a hospital bed, not knowing if you will see her again? That old broad is a fighter but there's only so much you can do before your body decides for you what it wants to do, has to do. They were saying that she would doubtfully live through the night on Tuesday but she did. As of yesterday afternoon she could live for a month, a week, a few days. They don't know. It's up to how long her heart is willing to last on her. I just hope and pray that she's not feeling too much pain and that the doctors are doing their job properly. She's had the same doctor the past 15 years so he knows her pretty well and I just want them to do what's right for her. They moved her from the ICU floor to the hospice floor. It makes it so final. I am not ready to say goodbye, see you later, whatever it is that I will end up saying.

(my nana and I)

Through all of this I know she is ready to go home. My grandfather died 25 years ago due to cancer. My nana still wears her ring and she loves him just as much today as she did then. She told me a few years ago that she's had an amazing life and that she's ready to go home to her husband. As much as that breaks my heart, it eases the pain a little bit because I know she's ready.... She has lived a full and prosperous life. She has three amazing children, so many grandchildren, and great grandchildren that she has seen grow up. It's selfish of me to want her to not go. I know this.


The whole thing with my uncle I was telling you guys about is that I found out Monday that he, like my cousin, has leukemia. It's not acute leukemia like C has but nonetheless it is still leukemia. He isn't wanting many people to know about it so all I really know if that he has it and that my whole family is freaking out. This is two people in our family having leukemia within the past year and a half. They all went out and got tested to see if they have leukemia. I am guessing bloodwork? I don't know. But now my brother and I are having to get tested just to make sure. I know some about leukemia but not that much, but is it even possible to tell now that you have it if it weren't going to show up and become active for another however many years?I don't know. I am just hoping and praying that they turn out negative for it.





I don't know why I got so lucky though. Laine IMed me Tuesday night, really Wednesday morning at 0500 because I had sent him a facebook message asking him to get ahold of me when he got a chance. I knew he had a lot of stuff keeping him insanely busy for a while but I was hoping I could catch him before it all started. He couldn't stay on long but I know talking to him would make me feel better. Does that make any sense at all? He's my place of comfort and I was so grateful that he made time. He told me how I needed to get my rear down there and that he would help me with money if I needed it because he knows how much I stress about money. After we talked a little bit longer he let me knwo that he had to get off but that he'd get on every time they got back to the COP. He's gotten on every time and has made sure that everything is okay. Just seeing how I am doing in general. I couldn't ask for more with everything that's going on. My bestfriends, N and R, have been nothing but amazing too, yes it's not just the boy ;). They have been checking up and if anything getting me to laugh and to think about the positives of it all. I was on the phone for over 2 hours with N just talking about different things because she knew I needed it. Keeping myself busy is what's best it's just tough. But it'll get better with time. I have my memories of all the amazing times I have had with her and I am grateful that I even got that because things could have been different.