I was wondering y'alls thoughts on this.
A girl that I know made the comment a few days ago about: SAHMs vs. working moms.
She said that she didn't know how working mothers did it. That she's a SAHM with two kids and it's hard enough to do everything, so how could you add work to the mixture. Doing the cleaning, watching after the kids, making dinner, etc... along with the working part.
I grew up in a single mother family. It was her, my brother, and I. It may not have been the most "ideal" situation but I think we had a really good life and my mom worked her butt off to make sure that we had the type of life that she wanted us to have. She's been with the same
Do I think I had a bad life growing up because my mom did this?
Having grown up in this situation, by a single mother, my mom definitely instilled within me that you should not solely depend on your significant other. God forbid anything happens what are you going to do? You can't sit there helpless not knowing what to do now can you? You have to be able to stand on your own two feet just in case. I know when Laine and I talked about me moving to Virginia he told me that I didn't need to worry about finding a serious job when we get there because we won't be there that long. That plus we will be fine money wise. I appreciate it whole heartedly but I can't sit around somewhere for too long or I will get stir crazy. Some people can do it but Laine would have VERY cranky woman to have to deal with if that's what is going to occur. I know that whenever we have children many years from now I have zero intentions of staying home for the WHOLE time until they're all in school. Please don't take this offensively because it's not meant to be by any means. I would love to be home for the first year or so, MAYBE... but I have to get back into working. I have to have that time for me, doing my thing, what makes me happy. I have to have some time away from my husband and kids to feel like me. I am not sure that makes sense, sorry if it doesn't, I just know I need my own time- my sanity time. I was talkign to a friend of mine and she said it really well... "I get that when you have kids your whole life changes and you have a completely new focus, but that doesn't mean you lose yourself." That's how I feel. I am first and foremost Miss E, I then when the times comes I am Laine's wife and a mother to whatever we name them :), I am marine scientist through my education, and coastal manager by trade. I don't think it's wrong to want to be your own person outside of all this. Not that being there with my children wouldn't make me happy mind you. But I know the place for me to be is a) with my husband, b) with my children,
I have far too much in student loans to even think of not working. Laine has given ideas of how we could make it not as bad, but I don't want our children to have to not get everything that they deserve and have the life that I want them to have because of my schooling. I am not going to have all those loans that WE have to pay off and not do anything about it. I have full intentions that most of the money I make will be put into a savings for a house, for a wedding, babies, etc. I don't want to skimp when it comes to things I get. I saw my friend who was pregnant two years ago and she had to skimp on everything that she bought because she couldn't afford what she really wanted to get. I saw the hurt in her eyes and the way that she talked about it. I can't, really I DON'T want to do that. I want to be able to get what I want. Maybe this is selfish of me but that's okay. Obviously not all of them at once, but we have housing covered, we have his pay checks for bills and doing things that we would want to do, so there's no reason not to start building up our savings for our future. If I can... why not do it I suppose?
This is where it wraps into what this woman said. She made a comment of being a horrible mother if you were to work while your child is growing up. That you would be letting someone else raise your child. That letting your child be in a day care program is just the worst thing in the world. Do y'all really think it's just horrid to be a working mother? I know I wouldn't want a job that wasn't 9-3 or 5... I would want to be able to pick up my kids straight from school so it's not that part. But before school? Is it really that bad to have them in pre-school or day care? I have always felt that it was good for socialization. I think I came out pretty "normal" and I was a "day care kid."
If you're a SAHM what made you decide that's what you wanted to do? She also made the comment of how she didn't get how you could be married and have children, be working, cook, do the laundry, all the cleaning, the grocery shopping, doing all the daily chores/errands. Is it wrong of me to think that it should be a joint thing? I know guys come home tired from
For me, I have always wanted to be a mom and a SAHM at that but that is what I've always wanted. I plan on getting my degree so I do have something to fall back on but for me, being with children, and eventually my own children, is the most rewarding and important job I could ever have.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had a horrible job after college (one that sucked and didn't require a college degree), I wanted to be a SAHM. Now, that I have a good paying job and one in my field, I don't want to stay at home. I would get so bored. I mean I went to school for a reason. I hope this comment doesn't offend anyone, but.... If I was planning on being a SAHM, I would have never went to college. I want to work. I like having stuff to talk about with my boyfriend about my day that he isn't a part of. I'm not old fashioned, so I believe that the man and woman should work. Both parties should also share chore duties. There's no way in hell that I am going to stay home and clean lol. I think everything should be 50/50. I also went to preschool and daycare on occasion. I agree that it helps with socialization and forming friendships.
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you the same thing I did yesterday when we talked about this, I went to college for my BS not my MRS. I'm with Whitney. If I wanted to do nothing but stay at home I never would have taken out the loans, racked up the debt and gotten my degree. I have a need to work. My dad taught my sister and I that work ethic is important and I can't imagine sitting at home all day doing nothing more than cleaning. My dads wife does even less than that and I just don't understand it. I would feel so useless like that. I worked hard for my degree and want to put it to use. I also don't see anything wrong with pre-schools or daycares to socialize kids. I think it's needed. Doesn't mean you're a bad parent if you work.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a very personal decision that should not be taken lightly. Something that both parents need to decide together. That is just my opinion though.
ReplyDeleteI have a college degree. While in college I never really thought about being a parent. At that point in my life I was consumed with me and getting my degree. So I did. And after college I had a great job where I could put my degree to use. I continued to work after marriage. Then I got pregnant and my perspective really changed. I had my little boy and went back to work full-time. He was in day-care and I was at work missing him. I continued to work until he was 14 months old. At which time my hubby and I had a really great conversation and decided together that where I needed to be was at home raising our child. It was really what was best for us. We stepped out on faith and trusted that God would provide for us what we needed. And He has. I am so glad that we made that decision. It was the best thing for us. It's not for everybody and that is ok. I have a lot of respect for women who work outside the home...its tough...I know...I know because I did it.
Yes, I have a degree...no I am not using it in the traditional sense at an 8-5 job. My degree is in psychology and believe me that knowledge has come in handy more often than not when it comes to raising children ;)
Since becoming a SAHM 5 yrs ago, my children have not been to daycare. But they are very socialized...I made it a point to see to it that they were. We have play dates. I sent them to Moms Day out once a week so they would be around other children. They are involved in dance and sports. And I feel like they are pretty well rounded. =)
And as far as chores go...it all evens out in our house. Sometimes I do more and sometimes he does more and thats ok...we balance it all out to work for us. That is where communication plays a key role.
Whew...sorry to write a "post" in your comment section =) Just wanted to offer a look at both sides and why we chose what we chose.