Submission

I was in a lifegroup from a church that I used to go to-- it is basically a close group of girls that grow in Christ and there is a bible study mixed into it. Well my lifegroup leader was married and her husband also was a lifegroup leader for a group of young men. I got this email sometime last year and I thought you guys may enjoy it:

Okay, here is Grant's (a guys in Patrick's lifegroup) mom's view on 1 Peter 3:1-7 about being submissive to your husband. Very good stuff- and it really hit me hard. I think it will be good for all of you to read... for your future marriages: )
Love you,
Tiff

Actually this is a very difficult subject to explain and even more difficult to live. When I first began to realize God expected submission I wasn't a happy camper. I was a teacher used to telling others what and how to do. My husband was a very "whatever you want to do" type and we had lived this way most of our married life. It was from my precious sisters in Christ that I learned why Sarah was the example God chose even though she laughed at the promise of a child and encouraged her husband to impregnate her servant, then resented her servant and child for it. The thing is we are human (imperfect) but He is perfection. What I had to realize is that God never commands us to do what He does not equip us to do. We, as women, will never be submissive. But God can equip us with this quality, even in a world that preaches liberation. I married in the 60's (bra burning, songs about boots walking all over on him and I am woman). My mother was the weak dependent type that used her weakness to manipulate my father and I hated that. I was going to be tough. I wasn't going to need my husband. I could use tools as well as he could.

These are some things that I learned from my dearest friends who loved Jesus so much they wanted to submit.

1. I'll call her J. She married in college to get away from a dominating mother. He was the handsome college football player and she the pretty majorette. They married for lust and soon were miserable. He was verbally abusive, constantly downgrading her and she just wanted out. In the 60's a woman had very few choices if she wanted out. She cried out to God to get her out but He told her to stay and submit. "What?" she asked, Submit to him? OK I'll submit to win him to Christ." Like so many others she thought this meant grit her teeth and do as her husband says. She still didn't love him. It didn't work and they were more miserable. Finally she submitted to Christ and He did the work. She began to praise her husband and ask God to love him through her. She would ask him to explain Scripture to her. Being so full of pride he would not admit he knew nothing about the Bible. He had to read it. Soon after, they learned their toddler girl had lukemia and they watched her slowly die. J was living on the strength of Jesus during this hard time but continually asking her husband to find scripture for her and to pray for her strength. As they buried their daughter J's quiet peace and submission won her husband to Christ. She often says that had she obeyed God's Word earlier perhaps her child would have lived. God has given them 3 more daughters and a Christ-centered home. He was one of your Sunday School teachers, Grant. And he truly taught what he lived.

2. I'll call her G. She married secretly while in high school and remained in secret for a year. She had been sexually abused by a family member and thought marriage was the answer. They were married 43 years. He played the religious game and everyone thought she was so lucky to have him. Only she knew the violent temper, the porno and the many other women. She was being submissive. She loved Christ and thought she was obeying His Word by being submissive to the point of self destruction. Finally she could take no more of the hypocrisy and after his last adulterous affair with a fellow church member she left and filed for divorce. For a while she questioned why God allowed her marrige to fail when she was obedient. After many months alone with God He told her these things. She was submitting she was enabling. She thought God blessed the Peace Keepers but He blessed the Peace Makers. She learned the difference. A peace keeper keeps the peace AT ALL COSTS. They become doormats. Passive wins no one. A peace maker has to be active. She had forgotten that she, too, was created in His image and they were Heirs together. She didn't encourage him to be the spiritual leader but allowed him to ride the coattails of her faith to be accepted by the church community. He now knows what a great woman of God he lost but has not yet come to terms with his lostness. He still plays the game. He, too, was one of your Sunday School teachers, Grant. He taught what he learned from listening to his wife teach their children, not from what he knew or what he should have taught her.

Submission: What is it? In the military underlings obey but the ones in charge must answer for mistakes in orders. Women should take heed. This removes a big burden. It is a command so I must obey and submit and I can expect God to equip me. Trust Him. Expect Him to protect you from the husband when he is not fulfilling his commision of loving his wife as Christ loved the church. Don't accuse your huband creating a fight. Go to his Superior and expect Him to take care of it. It means loving your husband by submission because God tells you to, even when he is unlovable. It means depending on your husband to take care of you. What a relief, I am not responsible for myself, he is. It is a command that works perfectly if the home has two Christians where the husband loves his wife so much that he is glad to be her leader and her protecter and the wife loves him so much she is thrilled to sink into the strength of his arms and let him take the responsiblity. It will even work when the husband is lost and she quietly shows him a more abundant life. If he never responds, trust God to get you out of the situation only for your safety, not for you convinence. I once knew a woman who prayed for her drunken husband for 27 years as she fed her 3 sons can soup with what little was left. She never attacked him in word or deed, she only prayed and submitted. 27 long years then miracle he was saved. What a wonderful life they had after that until his death and what an example to us younger gals at the time.

God gives us the blue prints for the home just like the archtect gives the plans for the house. If we follow the plan, not in our own strength, but in all our ways acknowledge Him the plan will work. That does not mean all lost husbands will be saved, or all saved husbands will continually show love but it WILL form a marriage that can lose a child, face bankruptcy, face serious cancer or other illness and all else the world would like to put in its way. A submissive, not doormate, wife will be such a source of encouragement to her husband. A man needs to feel strong and needed. A loving husband will be a source of encouragement to his wife. A woman needs to feel treasured and protected.

What is submission NOT? It is not allowing oneself to be abused. Is is not allowing the husband to do your thinking. It is not fogetting that marriage is a partnership. A husband loves his wife like Christ loved the Church. Would Christ ever do anything to hurt or embarass the church? No, He died for it. He intercedes before the Father for it. He protects it. He is preparing a place for it to be with Him. He wants His church to learn and use that knowledge. So should the husband. No husband wants to do these things for a trembling doormate that allows him to behave badly. The church submits to Christ but makes many decisions for the good of the body through much prayer.The church is strong against the enemy but totally dependent on the leadrship of the Christ. The church works hard and stands hard against wrongness but under the leadership of Christ. So goes the good marriage. The wife may work, she may be strong, she makes decisions for the good of her family but under the leadership of the husband. She gives her opinion but he makes the final decision and she submits.

Do all these things so your payers will not be hindered. The only relationship more important that marriage is the one with Christ. Have your prayers not be hindered by a stubborness in your marriage. Love and submit.

What difference does it make? On TV husbands and wives are always cracking jokes about each other and using hurtful languge and it all seems to work out. Actually they seem to have fun and laughter. God's WORD says follow His pattern for marriage so you prayers will NOT be hindered. We live in treacherous times. Spiritual warfare is intensifying. Lines are being drawn. We are being told that there is no real truth, that wrong can be right in certain circumstance. The Bible tells us that in the last days many will sucumb to flase teaching, especially the women. If wives are submitting to their husband as unto the Lord, and he is teaching they will not fall for false teaching. If men love their wives they will study and pray in order to teach their wives the truth. Do not let your prayers be hindered.

The bottom line is the submission is to Christ, all else will follow. Don't try to exlpain or understand it. Just believe and obey. I know it works. I have seen it work in my life and in the lives of my many friends.

I hope someday to see it work in your marriage. Just had to get that in. I love you, son.