blahhh

Just FYI-- this is going to be a negative post so sorry beforehand, you don't have to read it...

So much for seeing Laine for his birthday.

I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't really think it would happen. Stupid me. Smack me over the head or something, that's okay. Laine was supposed to get back early October and then when he got back to Afghanistan from his R&R he told me that they were most likely going to be getting back earlier than they had originally thought. Well that's awesome right?!?! Yeah no that's too good to be true. Why would the Army be nice like that? AHAHAHAHA! Yeah no, now it will be early November that he'll be getting back to Germany POSSIBLY. It could be later than that that he will be getting home, who knows. I knew the likelihood of being able to be there for his birthday was possibly unlikely but I had really hoped I could fly out to Germany to be there with him for it... *sigh* Life will go on. I really should start getting used to this since he decided another 15 years of this shit is in.

I guess on a good note I got my exams back that I had last Thursday and let's just say one of them could have been better but I was happy overall. I somehow got a 96 on my calc 2 exam. Background-- I have failed this class twice. Yes you read that right, TWICE. I got a 69 last time around and there was nothing I could do to bump it up that one point to get a 70. I tried so hard and no matter how well I thought I knew the material my professor would put hard problems (on a level of easy, medium, and hard) because he felt it was his job to make life more difficult for everyone. I got an 80 on my Italian 2 exam which is horrible if you ask me. I got mixed up on the most idiotic things, but it just shows I didn't know it so I need to go back over it before my exam that is around the corner two days from now. I can do this. Our professor said that everyone did horribly and that we could do test corrections and get 10 points back so I am up to a 90.

I have seen some of these pictures from Amber's wedding and let's talk about depressing. Of all the girls in the party I am the largest if you want to say it like that. I am also the tallest but this. Amber is a size 4, Ashley the MOH is a size 2, four of the girls were a size 4, two were a size 6, and then there was me... a size 12. I look at all the pictures and am so disappointed. None of these pictures I would want to send to anybody that I was close to. Some days I wonder how Laine even finds all of this *motions over myself* is sexy. I haven't gained weight since he's been gone, but I guess I really should hit the gym before I see him next. I have more time now since the change mentioned above. Maybe I am nuts, but for once I'd love to look in the mirror and be happy with what is looking back at me instead of being disappointed time and time again.