Slipping away

I'm a planner. I like to have dates down and at least SOME idea as to what I am going to do. I don't have to have every detail but just a general idea makes me less anxious.



Ever since I first started talking to Laine (before any technicalities) all the planning went out the window. He was supposed to be back in Germany a few weeks ago and I was supposed to be heading over to Germany in two days. Plans changed and he was supposed to be back to Germany like a week or two ago and he was going to be coming back to the States in December. We had all these tentative plans that we were both hoping would work out (like our cruise and him going to Vegas to be with a deceased friend's family). Well the army decided to change that. I won't be seeing him most likely until February. yep yep. We are BACK into the triple digits until we see each other again. I know this is what we have for another 14-15 years but it is just frustrating to say the least. I am upset and annoying but I am more worried about him because he's been down so much lately (even if he won't saying it I know it's true.. you can see it in his eyes and the way that he talks).

I have a 'Donut of Misery' for when Laine gets back to Germany. I decided earlier today to make another as a count down from the last time I saw him until he is supposed to get back to the States from Germany. We've done over 28 weeks so far... and now there are another 15 ahead of me. This whole deployment I have been counting down weeks until he gets home- pretty natural right? I have made little countdowns. Normally I would have one big event each month or every other month. It feels like I am letting things months just slip me on by. I was watching Restrepo last Thursday (which I promise I will write about tomorrow) and after everything that it showed one of the guys in it said that even though everything happened the way it did that he wouldn't take it back. He is the way he is because of what he's gone through and he appreciates everything that he has because of being in the Korengal Valley. His only wish was that over time that he'd be able to process everything differently. Why am I not living like this? I don't have to go through all of these things that these guys do and I am not living the life I could be. I am not appreciating things like I should be... so much of what I do every day I take for granted. I can't look back on this last semester of college and regret not doing things that I would have enjoyed. I have less than seven weeks left of school before I graduate. That's insane to think about but it's fast approaching.

Don't let life slip past you because your significant other is gone. That's not what they'd want...